Darkest of paths
by The most beautiful of lies
Summary: As long as he always has Iruka to hold him in his most darkest of moments...Kakashi knows he could face whatever is coming. With Iruka at his side, Konoha around him and the wide open world ahead of him...anything is possible. Even cleansing his hands of the blood of his former student, killed by his hand in the name of duty.


Before him stood one of the last men Kakashi had ever hoped he'd had to chase down as a rogue shinobi. The dark eyes before him were once so bright and eager, to learn ninjutsu, taijutsu, everything there was to learn. To learn to survive, to fight until his last dying breath. To give his life for the village who raised him. One of the best he'd seen. Intelligent and wise beyond his years, this man before him had the chance to be such a great shinobi...

Instead, he fell, this child turned man before Kakashi's very eyes.

Sauske Uchiha. Former genin of team Kakashi, former shinobi of Konoha, rival of Naruto, desire of Sakura, pride of Kakashi, last of his line and wielder of the kekkei genkkai Sharingan.

A fallen man. A broken child. An enemy shinobi with a target on his back...

Mask still in place, Kakashi hesitates, looking into Sauske's dead eyes. Before him in this young man so beyond lost, there was no hope in saving him. Laughter bubbled up his throat, barely forced down.

_Was there hope for this child in the first place? Every shinobi and kuniochi of Konoha has lost something. Some one. Yet they didn't let their unholy desire for revenge take them to this point..._

Kakashi's hand shakes, Sharingan in his scarred left eye stirring to life. Tears noiselessly slide down his right cheek, burning his dry lips, bitter and salty as his tongue darts out to lick away the offending little droplet. Still the dead eyes watch, looking him in the eye as if to dare him to do it.

Sauske, in his silence was mocking him. Laughing on the inside, knowing that his former jonin sensei couldn't slit his throat. Couldn't end his life then and there...and he was right. Kakashi couldn't kill Sauske. The little boy he remembered, so hell bent on becoming the very best. And he wouldn't.

Sauske stopped being that little boy in Kakashi's eyes the moment he closed off his heart and made the choice to leave his own village behind. Only cowards and fools went rogue against their own village that raised them, clothed them, loved them like they were their own, no matter what.

In Kakashi's grey and red eyes, all he saw before him was a failure. A murderer. A deserter. A low-life who deserved to be put down like the bastard he was. Before him, this man is nameless, a no one. Pressing the kunai tighter to Sauske's throat, Kakashi's heart breaks, shedding tears his eyes are to dead to shed. Screaming words his voice is to lost to scream.

This is it. The end. One pull across the throat and Sauske's warm blood smears the white snow crimson, his body falling lifeless against the tree where he is pinned.

Turning away, Kakashi walks, numb and emotionless back towards the village. When he arrives at the gates, the guards let him through, no questions asked. They know. If Kakashi is alive and returning covered in blood then it is done. Mission complete.

Sauske Uchiha lies dead in an unmarked grave.

Unable to face Naruto or Sakura's dead eyed gaze, he passes them by as they stand waiting at the gate. Behind him he can hear Sakura screaming, Naruto demanding the jonin's attention. He ignores them all. The bloody kunai still clenched in his fist, Kakashi slowly makes his way to the one place he knows he will find solace. Passed the Yamanaka flower shop. Passed the interrogation unit. Passed the hospital. Passed the happy families and homes, the Inuzuka compound so alive with life and boisterous with joy. Passed the Hyuga mansion, so chilling and eerie in it's magnificence. Eyes straight ahead, mask still in place, bloody kunai still in hand, Kakashi keeps on wandering a weary path towards the one place he knows that the one person who accepts him fully for who and what he is waits. A trail of blood is his only company, the tell tale heart of his mission, no longer classified. By now, the whole village knows...why bother keeping it a secret.

"Kakashi sensei! What the hell!?"

Shoving the poor genin aside, Kakashi bursts through the doors, bypassing the long line of chunnin and fellow jonin waiting to hand in their assignments, their missions. The one person he is looking for sits there at his desk, all smiles and bright eyes, politeness and joy. Just looking at him, Kakashi can feel his pounding heart racing faster – this time for different reasons. When those green eyes look up at him, so full of joy at first then worry, Kakashi can't help but feel a stab of disgust at himself.

It was disgusting how he uses Iruka...sweet Iruka. His strength, his solace, his safe haven. Always when he comes home from missions, Iruka is there. A warm bath with warm food, sake and open arms, kisses and whispers in the dark as Iruka joins Kakashi in the darkest of pleasures:

Illusion within oblivion.

Kakashi knows that the love he feels for Iruka and the love Iruka feels for him is no lie. No illusion. the fact that it makes him feel _human. _Those few sweet kisses, whispered words, silences as he is held by his lover, nothing but pure acceptance, no questions asked... this is no lie. There is no making up how human Iruka makes him feel...

Even now as Kakashi works his way towards the mission desk where Iruka sits, barely registering Asuma herding the genin and chunnin to a different line, the jonin politely turning their backs, that feeling of humanity comes rushing back. Weak and tired, all he can do is fall silently to his knees at the feet of his lover.

"Kakashi, are you hurt?! Your mission...is it..."

The question just hangs there, both men already knowing the answer. Gentle hands remove Kakashi's porcelain mask as even more gentle lips kiss away the tears that fell from his eye. Normally the two keep their interactions as lovers behind closed doors, but today is different. Today Kakashi is so close to breaking, both know one more step, one word and the jonin will shatter beyond recognition. Instead, Iruka simply sits, Kakashi's head in his lap as he slowly removes the jonin's Anbu mask, hetai-ate and mask. Cool hands press lightly against pale cheeks, soothing fingers brush through silvery hair, as limp and lifeless as the man on who's head it grows.

A bloody kunai falls to the ground, unnoticed. Arms wrap around Iruka's waist as lips work, a fish out of water, the words lost before they are even given voice. Nothing but patience awaits these unspoken and hidden words. Soothed out by gentle touches and loving gaze.

"I...Iruka...I killed Sauske..."

Still the hands soothe. Still the eyes shine with worry and love. When Iruka finally speaks, his voice is soft, understanding and supportive.

"Kakashi, you did your duty. I for one do not think less of you for it, nor should you."

The forgiveness in Iruka's words are enough for Kakashi's right eye to fill, blurring over with unshod tears. Pressing his face to Iruka's thigh, warmth spread through him as his partner shifts, leaning over him as if to shield him from the curious gaze of the onlookers and gawkers. It is a rare sight to see these two so intimate in public places like the missions office...an unheard of sight to see _the_ Kakashi Hatake break down.

Sobbing until his eye dries, until his tears fail him, dry up and ceasing all together, Kakashi looks up, green eyes so full of love and support looked right back at him. Iruka's words ring through his mind, sounding so true, the jonin can't help but laugh as he uncharacteristicly wraps his arms around a now crimson faced Iruka, nuzzling his neck.

He, Kakashi Hatake, has killed the rogue shinobi Sauske Uchiha.

Eventually, there will be hell to pay from his remaining surviving students.

They may hate him.

They may never speak to him again.

They may even try to kill him, seeking revenge of their own.

Kakashi expects that. Hell, he even welcomes it. Let them try.

As long as he always has Iruka to hold him in his most darkest of moments...Kakashi knows he could face whatever is coming. With Iruka at his side, Konoha around him and the wide open world ahead of him...anything is possible.

Even cleansing his hands of the blood of his former student, killed by his hand in the name of duty.


End file.
